Age of Empires 3: Never Bring a Pike to a Gunfight

Apparently the AI difficulty settings work the same way in AoE 3 they did in the original.  Higher difficulty? ZERGLING RUSH.

Except the zerglings have guns and cannon and I have pikes.

A eulogy told in screenshots after the jump

Morgan went exploring and died.  Again

There's a reason walls went out of fashion....

Oh look, I'm getting sacked.

I survived, and had a covered wagon card.  New colony!

Stone walls instead of palisades.  They STILL can't stand up to gunpowder.

Annnnnd we're done here.