Well that was brief: Alpha Prime

Alpha Prime took slightly less than half an hour to kill me.

More accurately, it only took about ten minutes to kill me.  The other twenty were spent watching over-acted, over-written soap opera cutscenes.

I really don't think we need to spend two minutes of a seven-minute opening cutscene explaining that the main character can't get drunk because he's resistant to the game's unobtainium, "hubbardium."  Apparently this somehow (they skipped the expose on this part) also conveys an immunity to alcohol.

And yet, the "refined hubbardium injectors" work, allowing for the game's "bullet time" mechanism.

Really?  You're going to bother to shoehorn a plot into a FPS, use plot elements to support gameplay mechanics, and leave glaring inconsistencies in the first 15 minutes?  REALLY?

Disqualified: Alien Swarm, AvP2, and America's Army

I did a batch of installs to prepare for the rest of the 'A's, and we have three disqualifications.

Alien Swarm is out, because it doesn't have a viable single player.  The "off-line" practice mode is only one level and doesn't have a difficulty setting.

My copy of Aliens vs. Predator 2 is broken.  :(  Oh well, I didn't like it all that much anyway, so no great loss.

I was completely unable to get in to the America's Army servers.  Apparently an online account is required even for single player.  The servers appear to be down, either temporarily or permanently, and I'm not interested in finding out.  I'm not sure I want the US military having the ability to monitor how well I perform in their game....

Anyway:

On to Alpha Prime!  And then Amnesia!  um....  *hides*

Clocked! Alien Breed 2

One game won, out of eight thus far.  Victory!

I'm certain I'd bore everyone if I kept to the per-chapter format for three more posts, so instead I'm just going to hit the highlights.

And the bitching...

To start:

The gaming community has been bitching for years about escort missions.  So, in response, instead of never using them, a game developer has devoted an entire level to one.  I happen to know that Alien Breed 2 has five levels.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

A fifth of this game is an escort mission.

I'm tempted see how long it will take the aliens to eat me if I don't shoot them.

I promised myself no suiciding, so I guess that's out.

Alien Breed 2: Puzzles! I mean Shooting Aliens! PEW PEW

More Aliens!   More Weapons!  More... puzzles?  Chapter 2 of Alien Breed nearly immediately launches us into solving puzzles.  Admittedly simple puzzles, but its still an odd juxtaposition for a 80's arcade shooter remake.

This chapter is clearly about teh puzzls

Ok, poison trap puzzle solved, we're off to meet up with Mia, the creepy robot lady (possibly taken over by an evil AI.  We've been hinted at).