Clocked! Alien Breed 2

One game won, out of eight thus far.  Victory!

I'm certain I'd bore everyone if I kept to the per-chapter format for three more posts, so instead I'm just going to hit the highlights.

And the bitching...

To start:

The gaming community has been bitching for years about escort missions.  So, in response, instead of never using them, a game developer has devoted an entire level to one.  I happen to know that Alien Breed 2 has five levels.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU

A fifth of this game is an escort mission.

I'm tempted see how long it will take the aliens to eat me if I don't shoot them.

I promised myself no suiciding, so I guess that's out.
I've run worse escort missions, but this one hit all the reasons why we hate them.

1) Death Mazes

Apparently Static Discharge is purple?

2) Whiny, fragile NPCs who are somehow more threatening to the aliens than the guy with the BFG

On the other hand, my new minigun is pretty awesome

3) And of course the snarky commentary from the escortee.

Mia, you're a robot.   I'm pretty sure it doesn't want to eat you

In unrelated news, I need to retract all previous statements regarding the flamethrower.  It is, in fact, awesome.  Turns out I tested it on a group of aliens who are fairly resistant to it.  Most drop like flies.  As one might expect, it works brilliantly for crowd control.   Team17 also didn't make the common mistake of giving the flamethrower an unsustainable ammo consumption rate.  300 rounds is plenty of burn time.

Burninate!

Oddly, and perhaps because this is the middle game of a trilogy, there isn't a final boss.  The last boss (of a measly 2), is fought at the end of the fourth and penultimate level.  Rather easier than the octo-monster (first boss), this battle is much more about ammunition and health management.  You will get it, and you will run through your guns.  The monster itself is kind of interesting looking, but identical cutscenes as it chased me through train cars got boring rapidly.

Run Away!

With the exception of a tacked-on minigame in the form of a turret sequence, the last level is a boring rush through hordes and hordes of basic baddies.

Conrad, your in-game bio says you're laconic.  So STOP TALKING.

Of course we end on a cliff hanger, because Team17 really wants me to buy Alien Breed 3.  I don't think this is going to happen.  Between the awful sound design, derivative visuals, and mediocre gameplay, I was underwhelmed.  On the other hand, it will forever be remembered as the first game I clocked in this Grand Experiment.

Off to new adventures!

Also, this:

This is bad.  Don't do this.